:(

Belum rezeki saya lagi. Just came back from clinic and doctor confirmed that no hearbeat found and the sac does not grow much.

I can't explain how I actually feel. Tolong jngan ada orang tanya "r u ok?", memang saya rasa nak sepak terajang je orang tu. This few week adalah seperti hari2 yang penuh emosi roller coaster. Sekejap di diatas sekejap dibawah. Siap ada symptom2. Seperti dipermainkan perasaan ini. Astagfirullah.

Of course I am sad because is something that no one can understand if that person doesn't past per the same problem. But I know that I have people who are there to support me. Thank you all.

My husband currently works outstation, my parents are now in UK . I'm alone and I don't know I just think it's ok. I guess I just need to give myself plenty of time and space.

Symptom?

Pengalaman mengambil injection Proluton Depot. Saya dah amik banyak injection, tapi sor far ini la yang paling sakit. Pain and irritation at the injection site mmg agak lama la. Kebas untuk jangkamasa 2 jam.

Side effects I've had is that I am over sensitive about alot of petty details. saya perasan ni sebab lately bila sya tengok movie, drama etc, saya senang sangat mengalirkan air mata. Tengok anak wayang or Pilih Kasih, peserta terkeluar pun saya menangis gila2. Hmmm parah juga tu.

Kalau menangis macam orang ni, mantain cantik ok la jugak kan?

Oh nak update symptoms yang saya alami sekarang. I dont know if it's because of medicine that I take, or it's the symptoms of early pregnancy (amin). Selagi tak nampak heartbeat saya tak berani kata apa2.

1. loya2 pagi tapi tak muntah
2. breasts swell and tenderness; on and off
3. I have to urinate more often.
4. I feel tired.
5. I have headaches; morning and night
6. mood swings; feel angry, sad, or happy for no reason.
7. belly itchy

bersambung...

While waiting

According to an article that I came across yesterday (I googled too much, not so good you know?):

"The gestation sac size in pregnancies resulting from in-vitro fertilization (IVF) and embryo transfer have been compared with those in spontaneous pregnancies. Small-for-dates gestational sac sizes were found in 36% of the IVF pregnancies. This proportion held for both singleton and multiple pregnancies. With increasing gestation beyond 8 weeks the gestation sac volume increasingly approached normal. In contrast to spontaneous conceptions, IVF pregnancies had a low rate of pregnancy loss once fetal heart movements were demonstrated, when the gestation sac size was small-for-dates. Small sac size in an IVF pregnancy may lead to the misdiagnosis of a failed pregnancy."

Source: here

Maknanya:

1. it is common for IVF pregnancies to have small sac sizes, and
2. they do tend to catch up after the 8th week, and
3. the risk of pregnancy loss due solely to a small sac size is greatly decreased once heart activity is visualized.

Saya google hanya looking for success stories of cases with similar situation to me. Ini lag i baguskan dari saya susah hati sementara menunggu next scan.

6 weeks 2 days

Baru balik dari clinic. Doctor said I'm at 6 weeks 2 days. Biar saya start dengan good news dulu.

Did an ultrasound and doctor said there was a yolk sac and a sign of a baby present there. Dan bukan ectopic pregnancy for sure.

Yang agak menakutnya, doctor was a bit worried coz I'm still spotting. And still belum dapat detect heartbeat and the sac size is a bit smaller than it should be. My sac size is 9mm dimana sepatutnya sizenya 15mm. The doctor kata 2 possiblities:

1. sebab beta hcg saya memang start rendah (20, 40, 100, 253), so the development a bit lambat.
2. the embryo ada cromosom problem and later on will misscarriage

Yeah mine looks small and doctor kata just wait and see if it progresses or if I will have an early misscarriage. I think it's pretty standard for doctors to warn that it is possible in the early stages when dates aren't measuring up. Apa2 pun saya harapa sangat ianya kerana yang no. 1.

Will be going back on the 30th July so I'm hoping to see something more. So saya kena ambil injection proluton depot 2-3 hari sekali sampai next appointment and teruskan ambil ubat2 lain.

Follow up tomorrow!

Sorry lama tak update. My beta hcg on 22 dpo (day past OPU) was 253. Masa 19 dpo the number was 100. Biarpun my hcg beta mula dengan angka yang rendah, saya sentiasa berharap ianya adalah kerana late implantation. My number is rising, remember?I always thought the numbers should double every 24/48 hours, but I found online said 72 is average. So kira ok la tu my number?

So sekarang no more heavy bleeding. It stop on 21 dpo but still I sometimes I had a little bit of spotting lepas masuk kan utrogestan. Saya agak ia tak begitu bahaya, sebab dah melalui lagi teruk darinya untuk IVF kali ni.

I'm going to clinic tomorrow. I am not sure if they are doing just bloodwork or an ultrasound too, but I hope I will see some sign tomorrrow. I am just hoping if the do bloodwork the levels will rise good.Jika ultrasound, kalau preganant dah boleh nampak katung.

Saya tak boleh tidur, saya sangat gelisah. Wish me luck people.

Day 20

Tadi pergi clinic ambil Pruloton Depot injection. Still kena ambil selagi bleeding or spotting. Lepas amik injection I asked my nurse what my odds were. She said that I shouldn’t give up hope yet, but that I shouldn’t let my guard down either. Dia cerita ada patient lain baru call, had same bleeding tapi positive (something similar with my situation), BUT she had an history of 2 extopic pregnancy. Hmmmm. I really hope mine is not kandungan luar rahim. I only have 1 tube and I can't iamgine not having any. Nauzubillah.

Btw, anyone know of success stories of low betas and bleeding heavily macam kes saya ni?

Oh to my hubby and people out there who are wondering the beta range, just have a look at this chart of Beta Scores For Successfull Pregnancies k? Maybe we still have hope http://www.betabase.info/showBasicChart.php?type=Single

Beta HCG 19DPO

At 16 DPO (day after OPU) , my HCG was 42.6. I still had bleeding and cramping going on but the cramping was on and off.

Today, at 19 DPO my HCG was 100 and cramping was pretty much gone tapi still have the reddish spotting. My doctor and nurse adalah seperti berharap hopeful based on the increase (nearly doubling every 48-72 hours), but saya adalah tidak begitu berharap since the numbers are a low. Since I read a lot, saya risau akan ectopic pregnancy. Nauzubillah.

My nurse said doctor would not recommend terminating the pregnancy at this time because there is still a chance it will be normal. Mana tau ada rezeki, IF my beta HCG meningkat ke 1,000 or more dalam masa seminggu ni (macam susah je kan?), something should show up on an ultrasound and I might be able to finally find out what's going on!

Doakan yang terbaik ye?